Overcoming Shyness - Men’s Self-Study Practice Guide
The problem with being shy is that you may miss out on all that life can offer.
Shy people date less, and are more focused on themselves than others when in conversation..
Why Is Shyness a Concern?
If you are shy, you may be perceived as less friendly, not interested, or just plain "boring" -simply because you don't know what to say in social situations.
The shy man gives the impression of being inferior and less able to succeed and provide for the woman and women feel a certain level of contempt, sometimes overt, but sometimes residing deep at a subconscious level for men like us.
You have to be aware of the 'vibes' you are sending off. This applies to men and women, it's just that a lot of us shy guys only care about what women think.
Shyness seems to be common problems among men. Striking up conversation or approaching girls becomes nightmare to shy men.
There seems to be a barrage of odds for me to overcome that shyness with girls. It also seems to be a problem, that most girls DO already have a boyfriend!
You may start by joining a club!
A nice film appreciation society would be good if you like that sort of stuff, then you can talk about the films and have ample opportunity to ask girls to see more films and much film seeing can be done!
It wouldn't be wise to go into immediately looking for a girlfriend...
Where to look for friends?
Chances are that if you're shy and introverted you might just be in the market for a couple more friends who might be able to get you out of your shell.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who hate going to night clubs.
What do you do?
Go to class, go to work, go shopping.
Look for someone wherever you are. If you are pretty introverted, it often takes a lot for you to meet people.
Maybe, finding an outgoing person will help you move through your shyness and show you what life is all about.
The real problem is that the shy man is simply unattractive to women because of his display of social awkwardness.
Because of these are other negative traits associated with shyness, women rarely if ever give the shy man the opportunity to know whether he can be "upbeat and nice to be with" once she actually got to know him.
It is certainly true that a woman will not want to continue to spend time with someone who is negative and depressing. However, for the shy man, the problem is that he has tremendous difficulty even getting noticed or getting attention in the first place.
Places to start casual friendships - with the opposite sex
Join groups ( pottery class, and any class ) that you like to purse.
This gets you out into the market with people that like the same things as you. Plus, if you don't find anyone, you haven't lost anything because you have been doing something you like doing.
If you see a nice girl, start talking to her.
Don't let her scare YOU off. She won't be scared off if you're nice, and don't come on too strong.
Be yourself, try to act normal and if she's not interested, that's that. She met you, you tried, try again!
Just remember that their are many more hurdles once you find someone.
It seems that many woman want that self confident, charming personality.
They don't actually want the jerks, usually. There is a positive correlation between having that personality and being a jerk...
Since the jerks don't care about anyone else, they have nothing to lose, and can approach women in a completely relaxed and confident way...
Start in small steps
Question is whether it's possible for a nice person to develop that confident and assured exterior.
A lot of girls say nice guys were boring because they lacked confidence, assertiveness and sexual passion, and that jerks wouldn't listen, just wanted sex and acted like you were a piece of property to be used, abused and set on a shelf.
There is one element of shyness that will serve you well - the desire be trusted and liked for you are.
Tip Chose to look at women as whole human beings like myself, with goals, feelings, as well as passionate desires.
A woman has interests like you do, she experiences attractions like you do, despite the difference in pace among men and women.
There is a fine line between being a selfish overconfident jerk and being an insecure boring self conscious nice guy - walk that line.
Take action.
Don't just be a gentleman, don't just be an jerk, balance your spiritual values and physical desires, be confident and selective. Shy guys just sit there thinking.
There are time when I was scared to approach a woman, my heart would be pounding and I would tell myself to just walk over and introduce myself, dry throat, and choked up.
But afterwards I be laughing because once the adrenaline rush of fear was over the resulting relaxation was joyously intoxicating.
The only person who can take action is YOU!
Know what the difference is between the you and your friend with a date? They're shy, but they didn't let it stop them!
I was shy until but over time I gained confidence in myself and realized I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by approaching women. That was one of the most positive changes in my life.
It gets easier to overcome your embarrassment with practice, and it doesn't do you any damage. Sure, you'll still be shy and embarrassed, occasionally, but after a while it won't stop you.
I've been overcoming my shyness for so long that I regularly do things that 'normal' people never seem to get up the nerve for....
So the next time you're standing there on the edge of the high diving board, when your mind says
'But, but, but,...'
tell your legs to ignore them and just jump.
Three instant actions (steps) you can take to change shy habit
Tip# Don't go into a conversation with a woman because you are looking for someone to date.
Just talk to any woman like any man, completely uninterested romantically. If it's meant to happen, you'll get signals from her end.
That should help you relax.
Tip# If you're impatient and really want to develop a skill at talking to women (and it is a skill), try to set yourself up into situations where you would be forced to talk to women
- blind dates are always fun.
But the situations which have helped me most were times that I would meet a girl and know that we probably won't see each other again anyways, like at a party of a friend of a friend, or when visiting out of town.
This would let me be more relaxed in terms of talking to her.
Tip# Most guys tend to be shy because they were scared of what girls would think of them.
It turns out that in almost every situation where You meet a girl this way, You'll hit it off really well and find out of our way to keep in touch with each other.
Specifically because in this situation you become more relaxed in your motives for talking to her.
You’ll be astonished at how being a host at a party may get you close to women for just that reason.
Start working on your shyness!
Biologically speaking, women are programmed to be attracted to strong, assertive, outgoing, confident men.
On the other hand, the shy man looks very wimpy, cowardly, and weak even though he may be a so-called "nice" man. The shy man gives the impression of being inferior and less able to succeed and provide for the woman and women feel a certain level of contempt.
I think the main problem though isn't coming off as shy at first, but in continuing to be shy after the point when you should be more comfortable around the person. That comes off as creepy by the third or fourth time you see the person.
Here are my quick tips to take shyness under control. I found a few things help:
For the beginning, just try to talk to any woman like any man, completely uninterested romantically.
Set yourself up into situations where you would be forced to talk to women.
Attend parties of your friends, or take courage and throw your own. That way you’ll have a new role, being a host of the party would make you more relaxed in terms of talking to women. Why it is so important?
Get involved in group activities! There are times when you need help from other people and the odds are your help will be needed too. This may be your chance to get involved in closer relationship with women.
Which group activities do I recommend?
It depends on your personality, and the activities you already know to do well. However some are really well suited to start new close relationships.
Surround yourself with people that have good things to say about you! Those are usually ones that know you for a long time. However you need to encourage them to talk about you in an unconventional way, when you are have a chance to start relationship. Find out more how to set up the situation for a conversation about you!
You need to know how to emphasize your good personality points and also why avoid hiding the bad ones.
Do things that make you feel good. Submission is never a good habit. Define your standards. Watch other people around you as often as you can watch for signs that tell you how they feel in your company. The reason this has to be done is so you can make choices too.
Don't be afraid to say what you like or what you do for fear of rejection. There are good as well as bad ways to do so.
It's easy to say: Girls are people too, there's nothing special about them to be afraid of.
But how to really break barriers of shyness and make that first step? This step makes an important chapter in my report!
1 comment:
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